On the eve

The socking hung , beautiful tree trimmed, presents awaiting...for tiny fingers to rip in the morning!! We have celebrated this season....each day at a time. From making of cookies, to solstice parties, to the making of yule logs. We have counted the houses with beautiful lights, visited with Santa via phone and in person! We have skied on fresh snow, read Christmas stories, made snow forts, and hung pulley systems. We have hung pine cone feeders, lined the bushes with popcorn and peanuts, ice skated and sleigh rides. And now finally it is the eve of all eves!!!

The kids wait for daddy to return from his work and cookie deliveries. I wait for the joy, the eyes that will widen. We will have our traditions of sushi and one last visit with good old St. Nick. And then as we tuck 3 little people to bed...we will wait for the magic to begin!

when you are 18 months life is so BIG

I have been meaning to write now for days. But with the holidays and family time it keeps being postponed..but it just cant be anymore because when you are 18 months life is BIG

A little girl

who looks in a mirror and proclaims "baby"

well everyone is a baby now

A little girl who slurs all

like " I Love you, and Thank you"

A little girl insistent 0n what she wants with

"ME"

and "MO"

(no)

who blows kisses

A little girl who is in love with animals

"neigh neigh" at the top of the list

followed by "cluck, baa, woof, "

A little girl who shoves when annoyed

yells when brothers aren't being fair

and hugs her mamas leg when she is shy

A little girl who looks at pictures all over the house

and glows when saying "mama, and papa"

but yells "moooooommmm"

when the nap is done

A little girl who sucks her fingers,

laughs at her brothers,

cuddles on mama

and loves on papa

light

a few days later

lots of family time

the light shines

The family feels back to "normal"

I say normal very loosely!

Visits with Santa,

chocolates made,

bird feeders hung

mornings of breakfast together

birthday parties celebrated

Truthy always with a book
Cedar always counting with addition

Orien always being thankful and full of love

This is where I want to be

where we are

ElfYourself - Hip Hop ElfYourself

ElfYourself - Hip Hop ElfYourself

Thanksgiving Weekend

Lost

I have this feeling of being lost. After such rushing feelings of intense love with new babes, my babes, etc..We started a new week. It seems the off rhythm of holidays, play, daddy home, me working.... had been all that much fun but in the same that intense for 3 kiddos. How many times do we have to over do excitement to realize rhythm is essential. Does the sun take a break, does the moon rise in the morning? We would think that absurd but playing all day, never resting, why do we keep doing this??

And so Monday came and went....we started over...we found our rhythm,,walking, singing, playing, cleaning, resting, dancing and so one. BUT it still doesn't feel right. I am lost. Lost at home to continually notice all the signs from Cedar saying "this isn't right.." play with me more" I think I still believe that I am mixing structure with rhythm and thinking that he needs structure..BUT am wrong. And so I am discouraged, lost, and again starting over. But in some way feel a sense of relief. Letting go again to allow my little people to guide me in the direction that flows from the heart...(if I can keep my heart leading and not my impatience)

And so Tuesday we did it differently, We walked but also did a craft in the morning....and Jody and I are analyzing this daily. How to focus on our family. Jody surprised us today with a home made advent calender. Each day we open a new "to do as a family " activity! I love this. Our family is first. We wrote letters to Santa and I could see the magic as the boys went to bed wondering all the possibilities that lie ahead over the next 25 days...and am thinking maybe we need to keep this up from month to month.

So as lost as I am there must be a....light

cheers to more family and less....craziness

holding him

i heard the news of another baby born
yet there is never just another
each so significant each so different each the same
When i heard the news memories rushed
of each of our babes...of that intense feeling
Perfect, Pure,
Love
the kind of love that holds a heart so tight that nothing can come between
that awakes the whole mind, body, spirit

And then I held him. And he was just that
new with wrinkles
soft with strong bone structure
old soul who he has been here before
And then that thought of freezing all of this

of freezing my family.,,and then i realized I really only need to freeze this
Age will come, life moves forwards, out of control babies to adults
aging, changing, coming, going
but this I hold so tight
and held my babies all the tighter today
with Pure Love

simply driving

driving home from another dance class. Up the 2 mile stretch to our house. The drive we do day in and day out. Driving past the dead deer that had been hunted, slaughtered, and his remains left on the road...for all to see. Lazy hunter I guess. skin, fur, feet, legs, all the unwanted body parts. Apparently this hunter needed not to take anything but the meat and head. Is this trophy hunting? Apparently that is what was good. Seeing this my gut reminding me why I cant hunt or eat meat. Or maybe it is the fact that just 24 hours earlier within feet a handsome buck had us stopped in amazement. His beauty and strength. The laughter, smiles, from the back seat left us grinning. Now dead. What seemed to be abuse, no ceremony, no proper burial.

And that is when the chatter began. Death. Cremation. Cemeteries. I can tell this is a confusing thing for the boys. Dying means what exactly. And then Cedar decided the you get old and die...or as it should be. Dying of old age. How old when we die?"... Me.."you all have many adventures ahead." Thinking please let these kiddos have endless years of healthy, exciting adventures!
Then Cedar " How old is Great Grandma Ellen?" "Oh she is older 80 something..", Cedar "When is she going to die?" me "oh sometime but not now."
Orien pipped in "I don't want to die."....pause....."Mommy I don't want you to die.".....me "Oh I won't...with a tear hidden....and a conversation ended....

Cedars first attempt at snowboarding

Goodbye, Hello

Cedars drawing of Thickhead

Orien in the new deep snow! (now gone and 70 degrees)

The Eamonn gang on Halloween

Our Pumpkins Cedar drew and carved his, Orien drew his face, and the

rest we did

More hellos to family visits, celebrating Halloween with friends and family. Hello to our first try at snowboarding (Cedar). To the first real snow storm of the season,,,1.5 ft of fresh powder only one week ago. Goodbye to October, daylight savings, family, roosters, visitors. Hello to Truth's first illness of the season. And to the many more. I have learned that is the constant in our lives hellos and goodbyes. To friends, new, returning and old. To moons, sun's. The rhythm of all of this. In our weekly rhythm we spent it reading the folk story Thickhead. Cedar enjoyed his recall and drawing. To outdoor play = snow, snowboarding. sledding, tromping....and then a family visit to end a week early of schooling and enjoy the life of grandparents.

star fairies and cowboys!

Spaghetti face wizard!!

Happy wizard, gnome, star fairy (depending on who you ask)

Cowboys!!!

Crafts....

This week we sat down to do a ribbon bow tying craft. It was the perfect craft a mix of knots that he has already done in the past as well as adding the bow (same as tying a shoe) with a little verse he was off and going. I was impressed to see how well he sunk into this as it is definitely not an easy one for him. Many a times he had to start over and try try try again. The giggle that came with his bow was unforgettable. I was also impressed to see how much we wanted to stay with it even when it frustrated. He added the other color with double knots for the streamers and the final project he was so proud of. We were going out for dinner with another family and he had to bring it along!

weekends without work!!

Cedar is a Fireman and his buddy Jackson is a Dragon inside a Box "box man"

Truthy is alittle pink witch!!!

Orien the Knight!!

Cedar team playing soccer (red Steamers) he loved defense!

So I finally took an entire weekend off so we could be a family. You know do what families do. We went to Cedars last soccer game of the fall outdoor season. This was Cedars third fall to kick around a ball with his Estes Park rec dept. He loves it. He had practices at 3:30 on a couple weekdays which was the best time for us to go. We can have our entire day to home school, and then he gets that much needed social, coach, play time! He truly fell in love with both the sport, and the other kiddos. As we roll farther and farther down our own home school path I am seeing this balance important for my entire family. To sink into a rhythm all day and have some outside time with others a couple afternoons a week. He said at the end he wanted to write to the coach and this is what it said " Thank you for coaching. I love Nathan (coach's son on team). Thanks again! That about sums it up!

After that we headed to Lyons a near by town that celebrates halloween for kiddos a week early in the town! A good excuse to play with some friends and wear the costumes!

Adding Story Recall to our days!

We are ever tweaking, changing, adding to our Enki world! Just recently we added time to draw. Cedar has always been offered crayons, paper etc but never seems to choose to sink into time with paper. He of course has gone through times of writing letters, (pre enki!) holds a pencil like he is gripping it therefor I am rewinding that in our life and now writing for now just coloring. And so on Thursday we recall the story that we have been reading together. It is fun to hear the important phrases or adjectives that he picks out from them. He really enjoys this dialogue with myself and his buddy if we happen to recall a familiar story during our forest co-op day. Our first story he drew about was a fall story from our Kindergarten nature stories "Mischief Mouse"
he choose the jack-o-lantern with the mouse inside of it. As the story flows with child mouse that wanders too long too far and ends up with the only light flickering a pumpkin.

Our next fairy tale was "Old Troll on Big Mountain" in this story Cedar choose to draw a picture of the boy Olle and the Old Troll next to him. He is just starting to draw people so it is fun to see what he chooses to do with them! (note Troll black foot prints!)

This last picture I had to post. It is a picture Cedar drew of one of his friends on his soccer team! It is a boy, kicking a green soccer ball and the red is the bench in the field! Again love his people arms, legs hands, feet..Body??!!

October and our days

we are still getting a grasp on our entire day of rhythm. I can definitely tell the days when we are on. When transitions are sung, when my energy is high, we have wonderful circle adventures. The fairies are busy getting ready for fall. Flying with geese heading south, gathering apples, paddling across lakes with mama swan, chopping, sawing and hauling wood with the woodcutters, spinning with the autumn leaves and bounding with squirrels. We have also added a mellow calender time with our fall cloth calender. simple days of t he week, the date and weather for the day. Creative play is back to block building, coloring, playing boat, play dough and stores are getting more intense with this week being Old Troll on Big Mountain. We are loving finger crocheting, water color painting, and now are about to start some more crafts..just as soon as I plan ahead for a trip to the craft store. Our outdoor adventures are filled with woods, friends, building, sawing, soccer playing and simply swinging and animal chores. And we are slicing apples for applesauce, cooking soups and baking!

Truthy and Sunflower farm

We visited a local farm and Truthy was in love. And so she get her own mini photo day! I cant believe how aggressive she is. Nothing scares her from animals, to climbing tiny narrow stairs, hanging on ropes, riding miniature horses. She is ready!! When it was time to get off the horse she was SCREAMING. we allowed for one more line and then had to move on!! If there is a slow moment she is annoyed...go go go!! My 17 month old daughter seems more like 2!!

quietness at quiet time

Quiet time is not always easy for Cedar to sink in to. Some days I hear the cute voice talking to his blocks, cars, etc and other days he is in and out of his room more times then I wish to count. BUT now that we have introduced finger crocheting he is in heaven. He loves to make the longest braids with his yarn and it really seems to ground his energy. So on top of stories we are slowly drawing about, crafts getting done I will take the peace and quiet for now!~ And add finger knitting when this becomes too easy.

Skipping Fall

It seems as though Colorado is skipping fall. We have gone from shorts and t-shirts with bright leaves for only days to COLD, windy, snowy days. All is dead in the garden. The one pumpkin picked early gives us our only sign that Autumn is still present. We are covered in layers. We are making soup. Cedar prepared the cream of potatoe soup the other night and then he made the apple pie with Daddy. We are outdoors a bit less and finding our pellet stove and down blankets comforting as we tuck away for the nights. I remember thinking all was so alive just weeks ago and how fall was such a beautiful shift , but now honor the death of seasons. I mourn the days gone of spending hours in the garden. Of watching the kids swing and jump all day. How fast the emotions of the season has changed. friends lives shifting, changing. Mourning. Mine ever shifting changing like the colors of the leaves. Today bright red with delight. And so with one eye shedding summer tears the other open with brightness if white, laughter, sledding, hot cocoa, finger crocheting, cooking. I look to the tomorrows that lie ahead. And sit by a warm fire in the present.

Taking the Time

Again I find the day to day struggles of having too much in the "to do list" Between 2 jobs, homeschooling, soccer, sewing finishing a re-model, building the shed,,,,the list is endless. And so our Co-op Enki "forest school" Wednesdays always seem to ground my entire family. Cedar has time to dig, sing, eat, run, with others. I have time to watch my little people enjoy there mountain backyard with conversation of other mothers. And then I usually jump right back into the "lets go" mode. But today we paused. We pulled over in the canyon to gather Duchess Autumn. The yellows, golds, green, red were so bright. It was too much to pass up. The kiddos were delighted to pull over an gather a piece of fall. And so we will press, and paste in the coming weeks!!

To be complete

To know with out thinking. To know with the feelings that are felt from a deep space. That is today. We are complete. We are so lucky to have this family of 5. from laughter, to tears this too is right. Healthy, loving, bright, babies. Babies growing ever changing. The kind of changes that still blows me away. The moments I see Cedar laughing, hear is chuckle and feel the true moment of bliss. The smiles of Orien, the tickle laughter, the whines of a 3 yr old. The deep voice of my blond little girl as she say "here. "uh oh" etc. It is clear through the the mud we are complete. So let the tears, laughter, joy sadness, reality ring true on this eve of eves!!!

Nature Table times....

Saying goodbye to our sunflowers, glad the goats loved them

our Gnome preparing his fire for warmth

Our fall nature table from overlooking!

Finding the places that feel right

Duchess Autumn

We have spent our week celebrating Autumn and the goodbye to King Summer. The leaves are falling; yellow, green, brown, ...the wind a whirling. The snow is falling. The rain is falling. The garden is dying. Maybe that explains my Grrrrr's at times and laughter at others. I too am affected by the disappearing of King and the welcoming of Duchess. And so we decided to begin our fall adventures into the woods to collect signs of fall and offer them to our nature table. The gnomes are gathering berries, acorns, pine, rocks, sticks. We have been painting with water colors yellow and red. We have been reading Duchess Autumn, cleaning the yard, harvesting the last veggies, watching the eggs diminish and the chickens cuddle up for longer nights. And that ends our first week of autumn.