holding him

i heard the news of another baby born
yet there is never just another
each so significant each so different each the same
When i heard the news memories rushed
of each of our babes...of that intense feeling
Perfect, Pure,
Love
the kind of love that holds a heart so tight that nothing can come between
that awakes the whole mind, body, spirit

And then I held him. And he was just that
new with wrinkles
soft with strong bone structure
old soul who he has been here before
And then that thought of freezing all of this

of freezing my family.,,and then i realized I really only need to freeze this
Age will come, life moves forwards, out of control babies to adults
aging, changing, coming, going
but this I hold so tight
and held my babies all the tighter today
with Pure Love

simply driving

driving home from another dance class. Up the 2 mile stretch to our house. The drive we do day in and day out. Driving past the dead deer that had been hunted, slaughtered, and his remains left on the road...for all to see. Lazy hunter I guess. skin, fur, feet, legs, all the unwanted body parts. Apparently this hunter needed not to take anything but the meat and head. Is this trophy hunting? Apparently that is what was good. Seeing this my gut reminding me why I cant hunt or eat meat. Or maybe it is the fact that just 24 hours earlier within feet a handsome buck had us stopped in amazement. His beauty and strength. The laughter, smiles, from the back seat left us grinning. Now dead. What seemed to be abuse, no ceremony, no proper burial.

And that is when the chatter began. Death. Cremation. Cemeteries. I can tell this is a confusing thing for the boys. Dying means what exactly. And then Cedar decided the you get old and die...or as it should be. Dying of old age. How old when we die?"... Me.."you all have many adventures ahead." Thinking please let these kiddos have endless years of healthy, exciting adventures!
Then Cedar " How old is Great Grandma Ellen?" "Oh she is older 80 something..", Cedar "When is she going to die?" me "oh sometime but not now."
Orien pipped in "I don't want to die."....pause....."Mommy I don't want you to die.".....me "Oh I won't...with a tear hidden....and a conversation ended....

Cedars first attempt at snowboarding

Goodbye, Hello

Cedars drawing of Thickhead

Orien in the new deep snow! (now gone and 70 degrees)

The Eamonn gang on Halloween

Our Pumpkins Cedar drew and carved his, Orien drew his face, and the

rest we did

More hellos to family visits, celebrating Halloween with friends and family. Hello to our first try at snowboarding (Cedar). To the first real snow storm of the season,,,1.5 ft of fresh powder only one week ago. Goodbye to October, daylight savings, family, roosters, visitors. Hello to Truth's first illness of the season. And to the many more. I have learned that is the constant in our lives hellos and goodbyes. To friends, new, returning and old. To moons, sun's. The rhythm of all of this. In our weekly rhythm we spent it reading the folk story Thickhead. Cedar enjoyed his recall and drawing. To outdoor play = snow, snowboarding. sledding, tromping....and then a family visit to end a week early of schooling and enjoy the life of grandparents.