On the eve

The socking hung , beautiful tree trimmed, presents awaiting...for tiny fingers to rip in the morning!! We have celebrated this season....each day at a time. From making of cookies, to solstice parties, to the making of yule logs. We have counted the houses with beautiful lights, visited with Santa via phone and in person! We have skied on fresh snow, read Christmas stories, made snow forts, and hung pulley systems. We have hung pine cone feeders, lined the bushes with popcorn and peanuts, ice skated and sleigh rides. And now finally it is the eve of all eves!!!

The kids wait for daddy to return from his work and cookie deliveries. I wait for the joy, the eyes that will widen. We will have our traditions of sushi and one last visit with good old St. Nick. And then as we tuck 3 little people to bed...we will wait for the magic to begin!

when you are 18 months life is so BIG

I have been meaning to write now for days. But with the holidays and family time it keeps being postponed..but it just cant be anymore because when you are 18 months life is BIG

A little girl

who looks in a mirror and proclaims "baby"

well everyone is a baby now

A little girl who slurs all

like " I Love you, and Thank you"

A little girl insistent 0n what she wants with

"ME"

and "MO"

(no)

who blows kisses

A little girl who is in love with animals

"neigh neigh" at the top of the list

followed by "cluck, baa, woof, "

A little girl who shoves when annoyed

yells when brothers aren't being fair

and hugs her mamas leg when she is shy

A little girl who looks at pictures all over the house

and glows when saying "mama, and papa"

but yells "moooooommmm"

when the nap is done

A little girl who sucks her fingers,

laughs at her brothers,

cuddles on mama

and loves on papa

light

a few days later

lots of family time

the light shines

The family feels back to "normal"

I say normal very loosely!

Visits with Santa,

chocolates made,

bird feeders hung

mornings of breakfast together

birthday parties celebrated

Truthy always with a book
Cedar always counting with addition

Orien always being thankful and full of love

This is where I want to be

where we are

ElfYourself - Hip Hop ElfYourself

ElfYourself - Hip Hop ElfYourself

Thanksgiving Weekend

Lost

I have this feeling of being lost. After such rushing feelings of intense love with new babes, my babes, etc..We started a new week. It seems the off rhythm of holidays, play, daddy home, me working.... had been all that much fun but in the same that intense for 3 kiddos. How many times do we have to over do excitement to realize rhythm is essential. Does the sun take a break, does the moon rise in the morning? We would think that absurd but playing all day, never resting, why do we keep doing this??

And so Monday came and went....we started over...we found our rhythm,,walking, singing, playing, cleaning, resting, dancing and so one. BUT it still doesn't feel right. I am lost. Lost at home to continually notice all the signs from Cedar saying "this isn't right.." play with me more" I think I still believe that I am mixing structure with rhythm and thinking that he needs structure..BUT am wrong. And so I am discouraged, lost, and again starting over. But in some way feel a sense of relief. Letting go again to allow my little people to guide me in the direction that flows from the heart...(if I can keep my heart leading and not my impatience)

And so Tuesday we did it differently, We walked but also did a craft in the morning....and Jody and I are analyzing this daily. How to focus on our family. Jody surprised us today with a home made advent calender. Each day we open a new "to do as a family " activity! I love this. Our family is first. We wrote letters to Santa and I could see the magic as the boys went to bed wondering all the possibilities that lie ahead over the next 25 days...and am thinking maybe we need to keep this up from month to month.

So as lost as I am there must be a....light

cheers to more family and less....craziness

holding him

i heard the news of another baby born
yet there is never just another
each so significant each so different each the same
When i heard the news memories rushed
of each of our babes...of that intense feeling
Perfect, Pure,
Love
the kind of love that holds a heart so tight that nothing can come between
that awakes the whole mind, body, spirit

And then I held him. And he was just that
new with wrinkles
soft with strong bone structure
old soul who he has been here before
And then that thought of freezing all of this

of freezing my family.,,and then i realized I really only need to freeze this
Age will come, life moves forwards, out of control babies to adults
aging, changing, coming, going
but this I hold so tight
and held my babies all the tighter today
with Pure Love