drowning

April showers bring May flowers. Isn't that how it goes? Or May showers and snow make for unhappy Mamas and crazy kiddos. As much as I love green grass, fresh dandelions, thunders storms, grey days, fog, cool rain, snow melting qquickly under my flip flop feet...Enough is Enough. We have spent too much time inside waking to cold mornings filled with snow, rain that never takes a break, and now sick people. This is my rant post! The hold back the tears, watch the rain fall, hold a fevering little girl and just wish it all away. I think the cure, puddle jumping if I had a friend to splash with! So to you mother nature I beg for a break. I beg for a arm sun, a dry day and a healthy family to enjoy it.

Cedar Dancing!

Dancing

Another year, another dance recital! Cedar and Orien both decided to dance again. In different classes both learning tap and ballet! They love it! Cedar is extremely focused, really want to learn how to do everything correctly. Orien likes class, likes to run and slide on his knees and play with the other little guy  in the class! They both made it on the stage! Cedar looks intense, moving at just the right time, excited every time he gets to perform! Orien is relaxed, waits for the girls to tell him what to do, never seems stressed or quit sure what will come next! Both boys Loved there year of dance!!!

5 and 3

A bit embarrassed, a bit exhausted, I finally find myself back here to my writing home base! Apparently life has been full, and full is always good until it runs over..and then well we must start fresh, rejuvenate, relax, breath and begin to fill it up again. And so it goes we are breathing ,resting, fighting off colds, cuddling under blankets while spring has a hard time sticking. When we were full we were over flowing with Birthdays, parties, traveling, camping, working, family visiting, and dancing, playing soccer and schooling!! I never complain as I apparently enjoy a bit of "over the top" activities. Today I am thankful for a moment to re-experience this last month and celebrate Orien and Truthy who have both celebrated another year of Birthdays. I feel shocked to have my youngest at 3 and my middle "school age"

Orien has bloomed into a sweet 5. He is our deep lover of the family. I think he loves his siblings more then they will ever understand. Cedar is his gold. His big brother that leads him to try most anything. At this point without Cedar, Orien wouldn't know what to wear everyday, whether to enjoy a particular toy, try a new sport etc..He simply LOVES Cedar and wants to be just like him! BUT he does have a boundary and when it comes to comfort he will still pull back and find his own groove. He wont be pushed past his physical comfort. He is still getting comfortable on his bike, or in a pool. What I have learned is that Orien enjoys doing and learning without anyone noticing. He on the other hand loves praise and cheering, but first must take the time to get comfortable in the element and then can enjoy the positive praise. And when it comes to the loves of his sister he is always there to give her a morning hug, a kiss when she is sad or hurt and will always play "kitchen, babies, mom and dad" I find him lucky to be in the middle. He can choose to go with Cedar and try out more extreme play or relax into Truthys room of babies and toys,and then he has always been good at leaving them both to do his own creative playing.  For the year it has been playmobiles, fire men, police men and farmers! He can fall into his conversations with is toys for hours and always has been able to enjoy his solo space. Orien is growing into a kind, gentle, silly, feisty (when hungry or sleepy) 5 yr old boy. He has started wanting to sit at the table during school time with Cedar and learn his basics...shapes, counting, coloring, letters and seems very happy next to Cedar! This next year is big and we all can't wait to see where Orien finds his place in it all!

Truthy turned the big 3. Maybe the hardest year for me to hear. There is just something about a 2 yr old that makes me think baby, but 3 is different. She is older, she is changing.She is independent, always was but now has a plan, a play of her own. She demands music to be played all day so she can dance away. She is a mama most of her days and has a dozen babies to take care.  From dressing, to feeding, carrying them, she is busy! She loves her siblings, love to jump in the trampoline, and I have noticed is always watching to mimic there every move in life. She is a social extrovert. She seems to make a new friend where ever she goes. From the random Dad at the soccer field to the kids playing around her she loves people! Truthy has added to the conversation in the car and now gets the boys all rattled up as she would like to talk most of the time! She loves girls, will always leave the boys when she finds a girl to play with! She loves tea parties, dresses that spin, dirt, worms, animals, sleeping with her mama, and still drinking milk from a bottle!

Orien celebrating his 5th Birthday with his friends bowling!

Sweet 5 and 3 cuddling together!

Truthy is 3!!!!!

Truth, Orien and Cedar happy in Arches Nationl Park. We took a camping trip to Utah between birthdays!

The Americal Dipper

Just another spring day to head to the woods. We seem to get into the Rocky National Park weekly. Our favorite place is Cub lake. Today we were thrilled with all the animals and springtime colors but nothing seemed to beat the dark grey bird playing in the creek. He would pump his legs, a sort of bounce, play above the water on logs and then disappear for a bit under water! The kids laughter was contagious and we couldn't help but come home and identify this little bird. The American Dipper. Cedar wanted to journal about this and the Robin as they were pleasantly bathing in some run-off puddles farther down the trail.

We were also excited to be greeted by a coyote as we entered the trail today. He was calm, beautiful, and slow but steady.

At the lake we spent plenty of time playing near this beautiful creek filled with bright colors and the last signs of winter ice.

We are excited for the springtime changes and welcome the sunshine and deep creeks that were snowy last time we visited.

heartaches

The reality is it doesn't make sense. These are the moments where it all falls apart. The grey day. The cold rain. It's funny I can over analyze life away and get nowhere. And then realize all is well....today I  am a spoiled  mother.

 I, the social network person I am, can't help but hear about a gazillion peoples day, lives, work habits, kids stories, the things that make us tick. Then I come across it..and it freezes me, drop tears I can't control...a mothers loss. I sit in silence. I read and listen to the songs posted about a mother, and her new born son, who didn't survive what seems all too normal the first weeks of life Instead fought to stay alive, wrapped in cords and wires. I don't want to know how that feels because I am shocked by the depth of instant depression I feel for her, a stranger, a friend of a friend, a mother. I sit with this all day. The rain falls harder, the sun never shines today. I hold strong this moment and pray that strength and love can really truly help in this darkness. And in the end it just doesn't make sense. It never will.....I kiss my kids and go to bed with a deep sadness for a mothers loss.

The new farm!

For the past 11 years Jody has cocontinued to say one thing. "I want to know where my food comes from, and if I can raise, hunt, kill to provide." And so to keep this Jody remained a vegetarian for 10 years. Last summer everything changed. We decided to dive in grass fed beef, and other locally raised meat. We were done with the chemicals encompassing out "fake" meat foods and dyes and knew real, well raised foods would be healthiest for our family. We have raised chickens for 3 yrs and consume an amazing amount of eggs. We have attempted a garden for 2 years and have high hopes that this  year will be even better. So the next step. Livestock. We've decided to begin with chickens. With the help of friends we have a chicken tractor prepared and are ordering our broilers tomorrow. I am confident we can do this, but know there will be some pain involved in the process.  The boys are excited about raising their meat, and seem at peace with killing them for healthy food. I on the other hand will probably be the last to celebrate the day of processing and hope this gives us a true reality on blessing and being able to be one with our meat.

Dave and Jody building the chicken tractor

Cedar and Kahill test out their muscles to see if they can move it! Orien and Chase watch!99//*